I had a mini binge tuesday night. It all started with some damn gummy bears that I still have lefteover from my birthday. I don't know what it was i truly wanted but I denied it to myself and instead I told myself i could have a few gummies. From there it went downhill....
I wont go into the details of all that i ate (most of it was ingested when i was at work) but the next day i felt awful. I could barely fathom the thought of eating anything.
We have started a new "challenge" on youtube. Its a christmas challenge that ends on december 21st. This one has prizes at the end for the biggest percentage losers. Its not so much about the prizes for me though.. i dont even know what lara bars are (part of the prizes) .. i think its more about proving something. Call me ignorant but I see so many people gaining subscribers and fanatics because they talk about losing weight and they are so vigilante about what they are going to do to lose it but here we are months later and their weight hasnt budged.
I guess in life things are always going to be about popularity. And I don't have it in me to brown nose my way into anyones life. One of the reasons I wanted to do this youtube was to help other people along the way... sadly i don't feel I'm really doing anything to help anyone and though i am ultimately doing this for me and its working, I still feel like I need to do more to help.
I guess we'll have to wait and see.. for now I have to focus on not binging again. I knew it was bound to happen but I want to dissect myself until I get to the problem and rip it out. Perhaps now that i've been working out 5 times a week the last two weeks my body is asking me for more calories. I need to be ok with giving it more fuel to burn.
I just hit 198 last Sunday and I never want to see the 200's again.... that certainly has a lot to do with it. But I guess its either increase my calories or fight the binge monster every damn day...
One of the guys on Youtube said it was a new era for me now that i've hit "onederland"... he was right. Its a new era, a new struggle, and a new plan to be enforced. This just never gets easier lol
.. but i can do it.
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Yes, you can do it. I'm glad you wrote this post. I see alot of blogs who are popular and have all these followers and that's great. For me, I blog for myself. I'm not sure I can help anyone cuz I haven't figured it out yet. We're all struggling. We all have moments of binges and moments of great triumph.
ReplyDeleteI go weeks with eating good and then bam!!! I'm making queso furdido. Do the challenge. Who cares what the prizes are--you're outta the 200s. I was forever on the 190s and now its the 180s. The important thing is keep working your program. Don't throw in the towel. It looks like you are really motivated.
Just don't get discouraged. Remember how great it felt to wear that Halloween costume.
We'll get there.
Thank you so much paula, your words did a lot for me, because youre absolutely right! I will falter but that towel will not be thrown in!! xoxo
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