If I may rewind a bit, my best friend and her sister made some last minute plans for saturday to go to the Morton Arboretum. We had been there once last year and it was absolutely breathtaking. Nothing but nature, trees, walkways, and mother earth as far as the eyes can see....This year was no different, I absolutely love nature. It puts everything into perspective for me and gives me an inner peace that is pretty much indescribable. We enjoyed a tranam ride, a long walk, and of course lots of picture taking. The place is open 365 days a year but so far I've only seen the place twice, both of which were in the autumn season. I would love to return when everything is under a blanket of snow, so Im hoping we can all do this again sometime in December or January.
So where is this revelation u ask?
well, its in the following set of pictures:
Yes, they are all pictures of me... granted they're not the best pictures of me ;) BUT for the first time I can EVER remember in my 31 years of life.... I actually encouraged and desired photos to be taken of myself. When we went last year I also had pictures taken but I really didnt want to see them as I had just started to gain all my weight back. At that time I was about 220 lbs.. this time i'm down to 206. I compared a few pix and I couldnt tell much of a difference except that in THESE pics.. im actually smiling!Now this may not seem like a huge deal but trust me, if you grew up with the self image demons I have... you would know this is HUGE. I have never in life felt that I was anything special to look at. When I was a child, I was very round, very dark, and my little facial features were very rough and raw. My face in general tends to be wider than the average face so you can imagine by the time I became a teen where you learn that image really matters, I was lost. I was nothing but cheeks and double chin.. the camera was never my friend. Not as a preteen, not as teen and not as an adult. Even after I starved myself to 169 pounds 7 years ago, I hated pictures. My mind and body were so out of whack that I couldn't see past the monster that I created in the mirror.
Saturday was different.
Between my camera and my best friends camera, we snapped all kinds of photos and not once did I worry about my "bad" side, or how fat I might look...
it all fluttered away.
I was having entirely too much fun Saturday to realize any of it.. so when it hit me the day after... I was in tears.
happy little tears.
Its so weird how much you and I have in common. I feel so at peace surrounded by nature--especially in the fall. The abundance of color and the sound of the leaves cracklin under your feet, and the nice fall breeze in your face. There's nothing like it to rejuvenate the soul... okay, I'm soundin like a greeting card but I'm sure you get what I'm talking about.
ReplyDeleteYou look great in the pictures... you look so happy and content. I too avoid the camera and my kids just mentioned how there are no photos of me in the photo albums they have... what can I say... The camera is not always kind but totally not the case with your pictures. You look great.
I saw your video of your favorite park---beatiful. I can't wait to get out and do some real hiking this fall.
paula thats the BEST kind of greeting card.. from nature!! lol i know entirely well where youre coming from!!
ReplyDeleteand thanks so much for the compliments, ur friggin gorgeous so I dont know why you wouldnt want pictures taken! Its insane how we do this to ourselves, isnt it?? when u go hiking u must also take a lot of pix ;)
Those are good pictures of you! You're beautiful! :)
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